Tuesday 28 May 2013

Fast and Furious 6 - Review

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Last night I experienced my first dose of the disorganised mayhem that is the Fast and the Furious franchise. 

As a fan of cinema I'm not entirely sure how the previous five movies slipped me by, and having left the cinema 130 minutes later I could at least understand how this franchise has reached six movies going on seven if the final scene is anything to go by.

This film had both everything and nothing. All that you'd expect from a fast paced action movie without ever really pushing the boundaries laid down by other recent action epics (Skyfall, Looper and Star Trek come to mind).

There are a number of impressive set pieces, the Soviet cargo aircraft climax was particularly gripping and profoundly produced the top moment of the movie as Dwayne Johnson laid out his four hundred and fifty pound mass muscle counterpart with a spectacular flying right fist. 

The general humour of the movie felt rather conventional. Tyrese Gibson employed as the comic relief throughout, could only ever seem to muster the obvious response 'I've got a tank on my ass!' when the situation perhaps called for a multi-coloured purport instead of his constant over-optimism. A couple of wise cracks about 'big ass foreheads' aside and an amusing diffident moment in the London underground as Gibson and Sung-Kang get categorically lambasted by lead villain Shaw's martial arts specialist, the comedy side of this movie was perhaps the least endearing side to a movie that did quite impressively provoke a number of emotions. 

Vin Diesel provides a solid performance whilst Luke Evans excelled in the role of top agent turned bad, who's plan to create a powerful weapon becomes unstuck at the final hurdle despite piecing together the rest flawlessly before Dwayne Johnson turns to his own group of International fugitives.

But this movie never really provides anything original. Every turn the movie takes is far too predictable and every set piece finishes with a flurry of explosions which all the characters inexplicably walk away from without so much as a limp. 

Yet despite that this movie provides the precise dose of fantasy that is needed to take away the onlooker from their busy lives. It's a tribute to the franchise that they have reinvested so much of the profits from Fast 5 straight into 6, the visual effects and cinematography are absorbing. The movie moves through a series of spectacular locations, Vin Diesels chocolatey voice resonates sonorously throughout the cinema, Dwayne Johnson's veiny muscles defy the laws of physics and not many people can lay claim to being bored by a Formula 1 style car fitted with a ramp on the front to toss oncoming vehicles over its head. 

This is a movie that has all the subtlety of Dwayne Johnson's huge pectoral muscles, but achieves exactly what it set out to do; take the audience away from their far less thrilling lives for a couple of hours.  

5/10 

1 = A Good Day to Die Hard/Anything by Tyler Perry.... 
10 = Shawshank Redemption 


Thursday 23 May 2013

Last Manager Standing


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It's amazing to ponder that twelve months after the proverbial curtain came down on the 2011/12 season, there are just a small amount of clubs left in the Premiership who are being managed by the same man. 

Arsenal, Wigan, Fulham, West Ham and Newcastle are the only teams left from the 23 clubs (if you include last seasons relegated sides) that have the same manager they had at the end of a season that had a spectacular finish to live long in the memory. 

Some separations were inevitable, Steve Kean, Mark Hughes, Martin O'Neil and slanderously Roberto Di Matteo, who won more significant trophies in three months at Chelsea than 90 percent of the other managers in the Premiership had procured over their entire managerial careers. 

Other managers were unfortunate to lose their posts Kenny Daglish won the League Cup, Nigel Adkins did little to deserve his sacking (How dare he achieve consecutive promotions!) and to an extent neither did Harry Redknapp at Tottenham, although there was an end of an era feeling around White Hart Lane when he was sacked. Andre Villas-Boas has certainly redeemed himself after what was a rather inept performance at Chelsea, with a strong season (aided significantly by a dozen or so wonder-goals from Gareth Bale).

Jobs becoming available at bigger clubs led to Swansea and Norwich looking for a new man and both teams enjoyed more fruitful seasons than their departing managers did at their new destinations. 

Now in the past few weeks a managerial merry-go-round has begun with the retirement of Sir Alex Ferguson prompting David Moyes to depart Everton, which possibly looks to end Roberto Martinez's tenure at Wigan which would leave just four teams with the same manager, not including the speculation surrounding the job security of Martin Jol and Alan Pardew who both oversaw below average seasons. 

Of course Manchester City were unable to take a leaf out of Manchester United and (to a lesser extent in terms of silverware) Arsenal's book that continuity breeds continued success, as they take a more Abramovichesque approach to hiring and firing. And given that until the upcoming UCL Final Chelsea hold both Europeans cups who could argue that this approach is incorrect. 

I was alarmed by just how many teams have changed managers in the last twelve months, I think if you look at how those changes have affected each club it's difficult to say whether this era of constant change is having a positive or negative influence on clubs progression. 

Constant reform only seems to be viable to clubs with wealthy owners and its forcing smaller clubs into rehabilitation as they lose their top up and coming manager and are forced to take an educated gamble on a new chief.

Each club provides a different shade of grey, with Swansea forced into appointing a new manager, being fortunate to wind up with an even more impressive leader and the success that duly followed this season, they'll spend the summer inevitably trying to keep him. And at the opposite end of the spectrum QPR and Blackburn forcing managerial departures and yet still continuing a worrying downward spiral. 

I personally think that the introduction of a managerial transfer window, perhaps two weeks prior to the January transfer window and in the close season, would at least help to stem the constant flow of changing managers and perhaps give owners a little bit more perspective on their options. 

Thursday 9 May 2013

The Farce at Blackburn Rovers

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Two and a half years ago Blackburn Rovers (the football club I've supported since childhood when the S.A.S was at its most lethal and David Batty briefly anchored our midfield)  was bought by a family of Indian poultry farmers. 

Before the sale of Blackburn Rovers  in 2010, they had been a solid and successful mid-table Premiership team for the previous decade, ever since their return from Division One in 2000. The team had been run shrewdly by Chairman John Williams since 1998, who in that time had witnessed the successful tenures of Graeme Souness, Mark Hughes and occupying the managerial seat at the time Sam Allardyce.

 Allardyce has a brand of football that is easily recognisable, although not without its critics. It is efficient, organised and contains occasional flourishes of exciting and entertaining football (anyone who can get a decent performance from El-Hadj Diouf deserves some credit). Williams appointed Paul Ince as manager, after Mark Hughes had been enticed to Manchester City, but was removed soon after with Williams reconciling his mistake with the hiring of Allardyce. Given that we were the smallest club in the league (in relation to the size of the town), many agreed that we were one of the most impressively and efficiently run. 

When the club was purchased, Rovers fans had no idea what lay in store for them, but with the successful buyouts of clubs such as Manchester City, Chelsea, Aston Villa, Manchester United and Liverpool there was a certain amount of excitement at the possibility that with the influx of a significant amount of money Blackburn would once again have a chance to challenge for domestic trophies and compete for European places. Ronaldinho was promised after all! 

Little did the fans know of the fiasco that was about to unfold.

It started less than a month after the takeover, Allardyce who was promised at least the rest of the season to impress was removed from the helm. Considering the teams recent performances you would have certainly asked for an improvement, but there was still little justification in firing the man who had kept Blackburn both stable on and off the field.

So, rumours flew around of Maradonna, O'Neil, Klinsmann and Van Basten. All names you would associate with an owner who wanted to make a statement. 

Alas, Steve Kean took over team affairs for what was comfortably the most miserable and stagnent managerial reign in living memory. An early victory at home to Liverpool in late December 2010 set in motion the appointment of Kean for the rest of the season, and then swiftly after that a four year contract. No sign of a marquee manager, just a back stabbing first team coach who had a manipulative and greedy agent.

By the end of the season Rovers were looking desperate but through an incredible set of circumstances survived relegation on the last day of the season defeating Wolverhampton 3-2 allowing both teams to stay up, (Wolves on goals scored!) cue mass celebration at Molineax. 

It was though more a sigh of relief than celebration from the Blackburn faithful. There was the feeling that Kean had been given enough time to try and manage the team, without any real success since January surely the new wealthy Indian owners would now sensibly appoint a manger who could handle the summer transfer market and ensure that we weren't dragged into another relegation battle??..

Kean was to stay. For the entirety of the next season.

Blackburn were relegated before the final day of the dismal and depressing 2011/12 season. Crucial games against Tottenham and Wigan yielded but one single effort at goal. Given both of these games were 'must win' events the lack of fitness, motivation and a season long lack of inspiration (the exception been a couple of stunning long range goals from Junior Hoilett) contributed to two particularly embarrassing performances. There were plenty more throughout the season, but it was visually plain from these particular games that the team was been managed by a clueless and infuriatingly blind man who's assessments of each performance seemed to suggest he was satisfied. Throughout the entire season there were constant calls for the removal of Kean, totally ignored by the Venky's, who were constantly seeking solitude feeding their chickens in India where they could forget about the whole debacle.

Again Rovers fans believed this would be the moment that someone somewhere inside this great club, one of the founding football league members, would decide that Mr Potatoe Head's time was up.

But he remained. 

Rovers started life in the lower leagues with a flourish. Well it's clutching at straws, but scraping 1-0 wins in a lower division was at least a miniscule positive. 

Throughout the opening 6 games Kean was 'politely' asked to leave by the Rovers faithful.

And finally on September 28th 2012 parties broke out of the streets surrounding Ewood park as Kean resigned. Vitriolic Rovers fans celebrated the demise of a man who had been eroding the club for twenty months with colourful celebrations Bollywood would have been proud of. Finally Rovers could start to move in the right direction, any experienced manager would do. 

Names were thrown around by the new Global Advisor (What the hell is a Global Advisor!) Shebby Singh. Yet another ridiculous appointment. Known mostly for been the laughing-stock pundit on the panel of a cable tv sports channel. For reasons unbeknown to everyone but the non-plussed owners, Singh was seen as the man to guide Blackburn through this self inflicted time of turbulence and get us promoted back to the promised land of the Premiership.

There is only one problem. Singh has all the professionalism, tactical nous and football knowledge of Baldrick in mid pitch of a cunning plan. 

Whilst fans waited a month for Singh to appoint a manager, terrifying rumours circulated that the Venkys wanted a Bollywood star to take over the reigns. It seemed Singh's manifesto was to install a club 'legend', a man the fans would accept simply because of service rendered in the past. Henning Berg was his man who apart from two unconvincing spells in Norway with Lyn and Lillestrom had little to no credentials to manage a team looking to gain promotion. Ten games and one win followed, this time the Venkys pulled the trigger on Berg before he had time to even change the personal left behind by the 'Lying Scotsman'. 

Singh was then pushed out of the picture to allow managing directors and fellow blundering buffoons Derek Shaw and Paul Agnew to have a stab at jeopardising  Blackburn's stability in the Championship by employing yet another relatively inexperienced, low-achieving man who also bizarrely also had a bald head, the third incompetent manager in a row!

Michael Appleton lasted another 60 odd days before he too was fired unprofessionally. Being handed his P45 by the lady at the front desk demonstrated the lack of loyalty and  unethical behaviour generally associated with the upper echelons of the  Blackburn hierarchy.  This was also comeuppance for Appleton, who was more than happy to jump from Blackpool to Blackburn despite only taking charge of the Tangerines six weeks earlier. 

And so Blackburn have been left with pretty much the only man in the club left with any sort of dignity, class and hard-working attitude that is so lacking in this grand old club. Gary Bowyer rallied the egotistical, overpaid, absolutely-no-idea-how-to-string-two-passes-together contingent of remaining squad members (with only Jordan Rhodes been excused) and managed to stave off back to back relegations.

The entire situation at Blackburn Rovers is totally bizarre and surreal to most onlooking supporters. It's difficult to understand any of the decisions made by this group of wealthy Indian chicken farmers, and if it weren't for their single positive signing in Jordan Rhodes than the state of the club would likely be even more disastrous.